Crimes Against Cocktails: Fixing Mario's Mess

By now you may have heard that Mario Batali's What I am Drinking Column is an affront to all that is good and holy about cocktails. Really, New York Times?!?  Clearly they are slacking letting this fool print his disturbed ramblings on his liquid misadventures.  If this is the way this so called world acclaimed chef drinks, I never want to eat his food again.  His drinks lack creativity, proportion or any kind of thought for home drinker.  He is so out of touch, he recommends a Rum that cannot even be bought here in the United States!  His sense of entitlement and privilege just oozes from the page…oh yeah…it is the New York Times after all.  

I am gonna take it upon my self to fix the ugly messes he leaves in that newspaper that used to be known for its taste in All The News Fit To Print.  

What I'm Drinking

By MARIO BATALI

Uhg.  Smug Bastard

Grapefruit juice has just the right amount of sweetness to make a stiff drink seem lighter. In cahoots with some Campari, it is sublime. I make my annual and renowned red greyhounds on Sept. 19 to celebrate mutual birthdays with Jimmy Fallon and Michael Symon. Fill highballs with ice and add 1 jigger each Campari and vodka. Then add 2/3 grapefruit juice and 1/3 tonic and help us celebrate.

Ok…This one is not one of the worst.  But it can be better.  It is a universally known fact that both Campari and Tonic were made to go with Gin.  So to have Vodka, in this drinks, seems like a total waste.  Also, name dropping  is already sickly sweet.  I want to know, if as a Chef, Mario uses different categories of measurement.  "Use 1/4 cup flour and a handful of peanuts, 2 oz of olive oil and smidgen of salt"  Come ON!!  What is a Jigger, Mr. Harry Johnson?  And then 2/3 and 1/3 of what?  And you are into gourmet  right?  So you know there are good quality tonics and tonic syrups our there, right?  

Ok.  Here is my revised version of the cocktail catastrophe above.

What I Would Drink Instead
1 1/2 oz Gin
1 1/2 oz Campari
2 oz Grapefruit Juice
2 oz good Tonic

Served tall in a Collins glass with a grapefruit peel garnish.

Now, doesn't that sound better?

This is so crazy, I actually believe most of the posts here: http://drunkmariobatali.tumblr.com

Happy Holidaze!

I started celebrating early last night when I saw (via a friend on Twitter, wow, 21st century) that a cocktail of mine was going to be featured in the NY Times. I have my wonderful benevolent boss, St John Frizell to thank for this.

Of course he knew I would jump at the opportunity to make cocktails that went with specific occasions during the Holidays. I can't let a Holiday go by without creating an appropriate cocktail. In fact, for this assignment I created a few cocktails. The Happy Holidaze made the cut. I am so glad it did since The Happy Holidaze is what I called our yearly cocktail house party. I am looking forward to going out with the gang to sing Christmas Carols in Red Hook this year. I think for us pros we can add a smidge of Bourbon to the Holidaze too. What better way to make your singing more robust than knocking back a few of these puppies?! Stage fright? Nervous about singing off key? This drink puts the Daze back in Holidaze. I think Deck the Halls needs an air guitar solo...Go for it!!

Here is the another seasonal scenario that calls for a special cocktail, staying up the Christmas Eve to assemble the gifts for the kids. That tricycle we got for the lil' tike is way more complicated to put together than we thought. Tequila is a stimulant, to help you stay up past bedtime and the agave is a healthier option for raising your blood sugar (save the cookies for Santa). Plus, its nice to celebrate a lovely milestone as parents by having a little fun on your own as a couple. The Mistletoe makes the work easy!

The Mistletoe
1 oz Tequila Blanco
1/2 oz agave nectar
top with champagne and lime twist

Build ingredients in a wine glass.

"For Every Holiday Party, the Right Drink"
[NY Times]

The Bees Knees Manhattan

Photo: Ozier Muhammad/The New York Times

Well, what better honey for a Manhattan than this bright red stuff from Maraschino cherry juice loving bees!

The NY Times had a story today about NYC bees preferring the fake cherry flavor of Maraschino cherries then the real stuff in our local farm. The nerve of those little stingers! And who is the victim? Our own local at Fort Defiance David (soy latte) Selig. David celebrated his birthday this evening at the Fort and seem seemed in fine spirits despite this betrayal by his bees.

Perhaps he should bring the red honey down to the bar and I'll try to make him a Bees Knees Manhattan.

"The Mystery of the Red Bees of Red Hook"
[NY Times]

This Coffee tastes like Shite!

Set This Civet Free!!
Kemal Jufri for The New York Times

The NY Times discusses the harvest of the rarest and grossest of all coffee beans in Indonesia; coffee cherries fermented in the dung of a Civet.
What we do for out drug habits! LeSigh!

Those little cuties are apparently delicious all around as the locals have to be convinced not to kill and eat them since their coffee poop is valuable to us ridiculous westerners. Oh what they must think of us. I am so embarrassed.


"From Dung to Coffee Brew with No Aftertaste"
[NY Times]

Manhattan Cocktail Classic

Here it comes! Having missed the two day preview back in October, I am looking forward to being involved in this main event in May!

I know for sure I will be working the Margarita Seminar, natch, on May 16th. And keep an eye out for Barlesque, the burlesque and cocktail themed LUPEC after party!

Tickets on sale tomorrow!

"Manhattan Cocktail Classic - Main Event"
[NY Times]

The Empire Room

Right across the street from the Irish pub famous for being "The Bar That Banned Danny Boy" is the entrance to the latest throwback to the golden age of cocktails. The Empire Room in the Empire State Building may have been a former post office, but the cocktail palace has been outfitted in retro art deco splendor. The circle theme in the newly restored lobby are echoed in the decor; on the carpet, circular cozy bar stools and even mammic lighting fixtures. And the C shape of the bar would make Stephen Colbert proud.

Lux chandeliers with teardrop crystals and mirrored back bar help light up the room. As did the flashing lights from the Fire Marshall's tests of the alarm system. Yes, it is opening day and there are some kinks that still need to be worked out. But the staff, dapper barkeeps in white jackets, vests and ties and beautiful hostess gals in black dresses and pearls, were eager to serve up classic cocktails. But I have to say, hearing the New Yawk-ese of the Fire Marshall announcing that this was only a test, was a fun reminder of the real working class roots that created this historic building in the first place.

I have always been partial to the Deco masterpiece that is the Chrysler Building and have heard tales of the glorious state of decay that the fabled Cloud Room is in. But that room is still a myth to me. The mad men behind the Cambell Apartment have brought The Empire Room to reality. And in the cocktail wasteland that is mid-town, it is a welcome addition. In fact, last year during a Mad Men sponsored promotion, my Cocktail Daddy (and new Daddy, Ross) and I were sorely disappointed with the weak cocktail lists at supposed "New York Cocktail rooms".

So lets get to the drinks. I started with The Astor, a tasty mix of Bombay Sapphire Gin, lemon and orange juice, Batavia Arrack and sencha tea. The orange juice was fresh squeezed, but overpowered the rest of the ingredients in the drink. Still a tasty concoction, maybe with a different gin, or a lighter hand with the juice. My poor flamed orange peel got scorched and did not make a pretty presentation, but this seemed like another opening day kink that will work itself out.

Honoring the sacred Prohibition Gin, there are many gin cocktails on the menu and each uses a different gin. My second cocktail highlighted the particular gin better. The Empire, the signature drink of the room, is made with Bluecoat Gin, orange liqueur, raspberry-orange marmalade and topped with champagne. I overheard a bartender telling a customer it was sweet, and mine was. Especially was since he forgot to add the champagne. But while I contemplated asking him if he forgot it, he made another one and rushed over to my glass (I thoughtfully made room by taking a few sips) and filled it to the brim with tasty bubbles. To be fair, the proper glassware, a larger glass to warrant the $16 price tag, was MIA, but again it was the first day. The twirly whirly peel garnish was gorgeous on this drink. In fact all the garnish looked beautiful. I was disappointed that there was not nicer tools, however. The bar napkins were thin, the picks were branded with a vodka and there is no cold draft ice here. Perhaps I have become a snob about these things, but these are the little touches that make some other bars so special. And since the environment is a big factor in The Empire Room, I'd like to see that Deco lux across the board. Especially if I am paying $14 a cocktail.

Another thing missing opening day was the food. Truffled popcorn, sliders and other popular bars snacks will all be available soon. Oh hum..I guess I'll have to go back. Twist my arm.

The kinks are minor and I look forward to trying some other classics on the menu soon with my dashing Cocktail Daddy! I love me a nice Bramble and their berries look luscious. Its certainly a nice place for a midtown after work drink.

Wear something nice and shiny, sweetheart. Something that shows off yer figure!

"Off The Menu-The Empire Room"
[NY Times]

Boutique Shops for Drinkers

The New York Times today did a story on Boutique Wine shops. With the overwhelming production of wine I guess this is a nice touch and to be honest its the only way some of these small producers can survive. Like LeNell's in Red Hook, its the attention to detail, quality and practicality that will always bring in loyal customers from far and wide.

I particularly like how connected they are to the makers and brands and how that helps with the sell. I am very proud to have a great close relationship with the producers and exporters of my Spirits and I love finding that store that respects and honors that.

The fact that this is exactly what LeNell's was and wanted to continue to be here in NYC just makes my heart break all over again. Its a nice fuzzy story, but bottom line is get a stinky landlord and all your hard work and good vibes can disappear.

Talk about a Buzz Kill.

"New Wine Shops Put Patron's At Ease"
[NY Times]

Hecho En Dumbo

Rebecca McAlpin for The New York Times
Notice the beautiful reclaimed bowling alley wood table underneath the Salsa...

Just a quick shout out of congratulations to the gang at Hecho En Dumbo for being featured all over, but most thrillingly, on the front page of the NY Times dining section!

Last night I has the Mole hen leg and it was fantastic. The peas in the rice were big and fresh and the Mole sauce was smokey chocolate perfection! With Seider's Choco-Chili Old Fashioned, I might have last meal material.

"Rediscovering Salsa: the Soul of Mexico in a Bowl"
[NY Times]

Women & Whisky

A Charbonneu Gal in Quebec? Oui oui!

The NY Times today listed the latest LUPEC event going on next Monday at the Astor Wine Center. Its a tweetup so make sure all you twits and bloggers come! The Twitvite is here.
Tickets are $30, with $5 of the price to benefit Dress for Success Worldwide and they include two cocktails. Go to Astor Wines for tickets here.

I will be shaking it with the Ladies and you are gonna want to try my own creation, The McGill Law Review!

I am French Canadian (A Charbonneau) and have dear friends and family just north in Montreal. I am always struck by the great scotch you can find in Montreal and reall is makes a lot of sense historically.

Ever since the defeat of Bonnie Prince Charlie and his Jacobite forces at the battle of Culloden, the Scots poured into the French Provence of Canada to start a new life. In Quebec and Montreal the influence of the Scots was strong as they quickly rose up through the ranks of government and public service. Many schools, museums and institutions were founded by the new Scottish mercantile class. One school where I have friends and relatives is McGill University.

This drink is in honor of my friends Benjamin and Jordi, scotch lovers and law students at McGill.

The McGill Law Review
2 oz Of Oak Cross Compass Box Whisky
3/4 oz Yellow Chartreuse
3/4 oz Fresh Lemon Juice
1/2 oz Lavender Maple Syrup*
Dash of Rhubarb Bitters
Spritz of Peat Monster

Garnish: Lemon Peel

Spritz a chilled old fashioned glass with Peat Monster. In a shaker prepare Oak Cross, lemon, yellow chartreuse, dash of Rhubarb bitters and Lavender Maple syrup. Shake. Fill spritzed fashioned glass with rock ice and strain mixture in. Garnish with a lemon peel.

*to make the Lavender Maple Syrup, Steep 1/2 a cup of hot water in 1 tablespoon dried or fresh Lavender for 5 min. Mix with 1/2 cup of water. Yields 1 cup of syrup. Good refrigerated for one week.

RyeGirl Love Pretzels Too!

Tony Cenicola/The New York Times. Food Stylist: Molly Rundberg

I have many fond memories from the time when I was a Brownie and Girl Scout. There was the camping trips when we would sneak over to the boys camp and try to sabotage their out house. The sweet songs about friendship and my fascination with founder Juliette Gordon Low and her love for animals and sisterhood. And of course the cookies...the Samoas were so good before they tried to make them "healthy".

But one of my favorite meetings was actually at my archenemie Nadia's house, where I learned how easy it was to make delicious homemade pretzels!

Nadia was my arch nemesis because she was beautiful and popular. Those girls that I wanted to be like, but who cruelly made fun of me, or even worse, ignored me. But I remember Nadia's mom, a beautiful blonde immigrant from some Nordic country being particularly kind to me during this meeting. Maybe she knew how mean her daughter's posse could be, or maybe she was just being a good hostess for the meeting. Or maybe it was because she could tell how truly excited I was to make these pretzels.

It was the first time I realized that pretzels didn't have to be those tiny crunchy tasteless sticks. But the big salty soft twists of yumminess that I would get whenever my Dad took me to work in New York City. The first thing I did when I moved to NYC was get a pretzel from a street vendor. There was one guy I found in the 30's on the west side who could still make them taste fresh and homemade. But he disappeared in the late 90's and every street vendor since then has crushed me with their cold chewy flavorless pretzel bombs.

I guess its time for me to get back to my Girl Scout roots and make my own. Luckily the NY Times had just the recipe for me; Rye Pretzels! Perfect for this sick day and I try to remove the hobbit living in my lungs.

Rye Pretzels
[NY Times]

Bitter Truth: The NY Times reads my blog!

Photo: Tony Cenicola/The New York Times

How do I know this? In thier article about Bitter Truth Bitters, the NY Times states that the celery bitters are, "a knockout celery that is a must in a bloody mary and even in some tequila drinks."   Well, who said just that in her posts last year from Tales of the Cocktail, where she first met Mr Stephan Berg of Bitter Truth? Me! Thats who!

I may have met the man just last July, but his face and bitters have blessed my bar for years, ever since I was introduced to them by my dear LeNell. And now EVERYBODY knows about them! Jeeze! Oh wait..I guess that is a good thing.

NY Times, when can I start writing for you?

Bitters from Germany, to kick up your cocktails
[NY Times]

Our Silver Lining...

Its true..the last 10 years were pretty horrible. But as the NY Times pointed out yesterday, if you were a drinker, thinks actually got much better.

The bar has been raised, and some of us can never go back. We will always seek out the latest place to enjoy a well crafted Manhattan, or a new twist on the Old-Fashioned, much like foodies follow the burger craze.

Today I was thinking that maybe I have tasted all I need to taste. But after a conversation with my Libations Girl this afternoon, I realized that even the simplest three ingredient cocktail can take on new levels of pleasure and satisfaction in the right hands.

Town by town, city by city, little pockets of the cocktail kingdom are expanding. I was thinking about moving to the lil' upstart Portland, Oregon, but in a conversation in my favorite lavatory in Brooklyn last night, I discovered things are really, "blowing up" in San Diego.

Now...the weather there seems much more inviting, so if there really is a new cocktail movement in sunny San Diego, that might be a destination for this RyeGirl.

I am already a San Diego Super Chargers fan, I have a bedroom to stay in (Thanks Mary Karen!) and since I cannot seem to find a decent single man on this coast, perhaps I will try the left coast.

Maybe my silver lining is in a cloudless sunny sky.

"A Good Decade to have a Drink"
[NY Times]

Another Three Favorite Things

This is in response to a request from my darling Francine!

RyeGirl’s top 3 food experience at Tales of the Cocktail in New Orleans 2009
(I am leaving out the Spirited Dinner, because that was a drink extravaganza in another catagory and I want to focus on “experience” and “food”)

3) After two hours sleep, a flight from Newark, and straight into 6 hours prepping and serving cocktails, I managed to stumble over to Acme, plant my ass at the bar and start ordering a plethora of food deliciousness. The charbroiled oysters with cheese, po boys (oyster, shrimp and soft shell crab), raw oysters, crawdad hush puppies…all washed down with fresh Abita beer. I was so intent on my eating and drinking, I had an entire conversation with the man sitting next to me before we both looked up and realized we knew each other! It was David from Siembra Azul and we have just spent 6 hours working together. Now, we were so focused on the feast before us, we did not realize we were sitting together! We laughed, he bought us some beers, then we took those beers for a walk around town. Love that open container law!

2) After two full days of tasting and events and more cocktails than I could mention, I just wanted a nice modest, quiet, delicious dinner with a glass of wine and good company. I got it at GW Fins. We started with a glass of Champagne then some tasty perfectly cooked seafood and a glass of wine. I openly wept from absolute contentment when a scallop passed over my lips. Strawberry shortcake for dessert and I was ready to lie down on a bed of berries and cream and slumber the dreams of angels.

1) Without a doubt the best meal came Thursday morning. It was 10:40am, a weird time for breakfast and is there brunch on the weekdays in NOLA? We call Luke’s and they invite us over, even though technically they were not open yet for lunch. But could it be a brunch? I ordered my first cocktail, a creamy absinthe fizz, we also get fresh pressed coffee and a pitcher of Orange Juice. Tons of liquids? Brunch? Check! We order ½ dozen oysters. Carlos, God of all waiters, brings us 7 giant oysters that taste like they were caught about ten minutes ago. Carlos, you have a boat back there? Then I order a fresh crabmeat omelet with salad AND French fries (love that!). Dave gets the gulf shrimp and grits en cocotte. Omelet and Grits? Check! They also had copies of the NY Times and the Times-Picayune… This is a BRUNCH, BABY!! I was feeling like I could move here..not to New Orleans..move into this restaurant…Carlos will you be my roommate?

God bless Carlos, God bless Luke’s, God bless New Orleans, God Bless America and all its wonderful bounty! I am SAVED! Hallelujah!

Utter Contentment at Luke's

Beaten to the Punch

Once again RyeGirl is riding the wave of the latest NY Times announced trend: Punch. At Thanksgiving there was mulled red wine punch, at the post Thanksgiving feast, a cider/calvados based punch. At the Holidaze Party, a fresh gin champagne punch.

Elaborate ice molds were made using all my silicone cookware and fresh cut fruit. I look forward to sharing cheer in vintage punch bowls at Jen's Birthday party at the Clover Club this year!

Hopefully, I can find a decent punch bowl in the post holiday sales and stop using that fishbowl I stole from Porky's (file under: worst. night. ever.)

Speaking of Punch and punching...enjoy RyeGirl's Favorite Christmas song! Happy Christmas, you Arse!



[NY Times]