To-Ho-Ta-Le you guys! My birthday is coming up! And have I got the perfect place to celebrate! And its so close to my house so we won't waste out money on $5 cab rides home from the East Village! Yes..its a gay bar, that is all there is in my neighborhood! But this one is MY OWN...my local! So I can wear the fancy shoes and just stumble home!!!
I know I said Henrietta's was gonna be my local, but their White Russians are gross and so is that lady who bit me on the cheek. No no no...I prefer the boys! They are so much cuter that any left over piece of grunge in the East Vill anyway!
There is this one bartender, Marcus. Well I don't think that is his name, but he looks like that model Marcus Shekengurger whatever, so that what I call him.
He thinks I am cute...I think he is a god! He weaned me off White Russians with this drink called the Cosmo? Its pink and so delish! He says they invented it there at the Universal. That is what this place is called. The Universal Bar and Grill. Oh yeah. I suppose that does mean it has food too. Who can afford food though? Anyhoo, at my party we can ge the Cosmos by the PITCHER! Bitchin! And the boys will bring out the tambourines and sing the Wonder Woman theme song for me. Jesus is there a better way to celebrate your 22nd birthday?! I am such a NYC gal now, right?!? I am bummed not to have a boyfriends, but who needs one when I have like 20 every night at the bar. Marcus told me that Liza came in one night. She was mobbed by the boys. LeSigh! I wish I was mobbed by the boys! I know! I am turning into such a Fag Hag..oh wait, I am sorry that is so offensive. Like Marcus says, "I may be a Fag, honey, but you are no hag!" That's right Bitches! I am only 22! And hot! How come I don't have a boyfriend??!...Jeeze!
Gosh I hope Marcus is there! He is so cute. I am gonna write a screenplay about us. This gay bartender will get drunk one night with his lady friend and they end up in bed.. Then she gets pregnant and they have to decide what to do! He tries to go straight, but is just doesn't work...for either of them. There is fighting, there is tears. But in the end the kid is raised in this NYC utopia, a loving extended family full of love.
And you never need a babysitter between him and his boyfriend and me and my boyfriend! Its perfect. I can't wait to grow up and live this life, man! That is why I am so excited about hitting 22. Things are really gonna start to happen for me now, I feel it. Ok. How do I get the girls from Brooklyn here? Its like a mental black when they go across that damn river and I can never get them back in the city!?? What is there to do anyway? Monteros? Please. The 50 cent pool table is cool but the boys in Brooklyn kinda blow.
Pitchers of Cosmos ladies! That is the key! Pitchers of Cosmos! And shirtless boys singing the Wonder Woman Theme song. "Fightin' for your rights, in your satin tights...for the old red white and blue oooooo!"
Daddy-O (formerly Universal Bar & Grill)
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