Katy's Cuzco Cooler

Last night to celebrate my dear friend Katy's birthday (belated), we settled down with some take out Chinese and watched our darling Mets go through their regular late season histrionics. Naturally we needed something to help calm our nerves and possibly deaden any pain we might soon be feeling. So I chose to make a light, refreshing and sparkling Cuzco Cooler. I thought the South American Pisco would appeal to Katy's Columbian soul. And I wanted to feature the lovely St Germain, which was her present.

The cocktails were good, and the Mets game better, although quite stressful. "Whew!", said Katy "I feel like I just gave birth!" Happy, excited, exhausted and glad its finally over...yep that's a September Mets game!

Katy's Cuzco Cooler
Pisco
St Germain
Fresh Lime juice
Orange Bitters
Green Grapes
Club Soda

Muddle grapes in a cocktail shaker with bitters and lime. Add ice, 2 parts pisco and 1 part St Germain and shake well. Strain into a tall glass filled with ice and sliced grapes.

Mexican Summer

We finally had an August day here in NYC...September 14th. To celebrate this last burst of Mexican summer I made a perfect Margarita. I only wish I was sippin' it by the sea, Mamacita! And I like my Margarita's like my relationships end up...on the Rocks. No worries though, this one takes the pain away. Thanks to Inked Magazine for the tequila!





Tattooed Margarita
1800 Tequila
Triple Sec
St Germain Liquor
Lime Juice
Agave Syrup

Pour ingredients over rocks, shake well and pour into large pint glass. Think of Frida and Diego and let the pain fade into memories of the beauty. Like getting a tattoo, hopefully the beauty will stay when the hurt drifts away.

To my Cocktial Kin on the Gulf Coast..

I can only say that once again my heart goes out to you. Hang tough and the drinks and good times will flow again. Here is a list of Fema-approved cocktails from my dear friends Rab and Dave:

MANDATORY EVACUATION
1 1/2 oz. Absolute Ruby Red vodka
1/2 oz. vermouth
Clamato
Prune juice
Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass with equal parts Clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink. Ask next-door neighbor whose fichus tree blew over and crashed onto your roof - even though you'd warned him for months to uproot it - if you can use his bathroom. Repeat.

CATEGORY 5
1/2 oz.
vodka
1/2 oz.
tequila
1/2 oz.
rum
1/2 oz.
bourbon
1/2 oz.
gin
Sweet-and-sour mix
Splash of fruit juice
Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass. Fill remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice. Stir, then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm hours, and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a Category 1.


CONE OF PROBABILITY
1 oz.
cinnamon schnapps
1 sugar cone
Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV weatherman say, "cone of probability," bite off the end of the cone and down the shot.
If you hear Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots consecutively. (they should change this to the "Cantore Zone"... damn him.

Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk, if Cantore is parked in front of your house, your ass is toast?) - that is my personal favorite!

FEEDER BAND
2 oz.
Midori
2 oz.
rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream
After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail glass. Add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer. Stir, and drink through a straw.

BEACH EROSION
1 1/2 oz.
Goldschläger
1 1/2 oz.
apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw
Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass. As you drink, seriously contemplate moving your Yankee ass back to New Jersey where it belongs.

DOWNED POWER LINE
1 1/2 oz.
rum
5 oz.
Jolt Cola
Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass.
Drink while trying to figure out
how the heck you're supposed to go two freakin' weeks without television and AC.

FLOOD ZONE
2 oz.
Kahlúa
2 oz.
Baileys Irish cream
4 oz.
rum
Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh-cry deliriously as the mess spills all
over the countertop.

COLD SHOWER
2 oz.
Blue Aftershock
4 oz.
Sprite
Combine in a cocktail glass with crushed ice you received after waiting in line for three hours at a mall parking lot. Take a deep breath, sip and scream like a little girl when the cold beverage hits your tongue.

Repeat.

LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT
1 oz.
Jack Daniel's
Splash of sarsaparilla
Rock salt
Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt.
Climb to the roof of your
house with gun, bottle of Jack Daniel's and can of sarsaparilla. Fill shot glass with Jack and splash of sarsaparilla. Watch for looters. When you spot one, blast his ass with rock salt. Drink shot. Repeat.

THE CHAIN SAW
1 oz.
Goldschläger
1 oz.
Rumplemintz
3 oz.
Jim Beam
Splash of vermouth
Combine Goldschläger, Rumplemintz and Jim Beam in an empty soup can. Add splash of vermouth. Drink. Remove chain saw from garage and attempt to cut up fallen tree limbs in yard. Ask neighbor to drive you to hospital when it all goes horribly wrong.

FOUR-WAY STOP
1 1/2 oz.
vodka
1 1/2 oz.
vodka and Midori
1 1/2 oz.
vodka and Galliano
1 1/2 oz.
vodka and grenadine
Pour each ingredient into a separate shot glass. Serve one to yourself and three other people. The person with the clear shot of vodka drinks first. The person to his right drinks the Midori shot, and so on. If somebody drinks out of order, develop a quick case of road rage and beat the living crap out of him.

BLUE TARP
1 1/2 oz.
Curacao
2 oz.
pineapple juice
Splash of lime
Combine ingredients in a leaky paper cup and serve.

Wait six to eight months
for someone to repair the cup.

If you're impatient, hire an unlicensed,
out-of-state contractor to do the job for an exorbitant sum and pray he doesn't hurt himself in the process.

FEMA FIZZLE
1 oz.
Southern Comfort
2 oz.
sloe gin
Tonic water
One week after the storm has passed and your neighborhood is still in ruins with no sign of help on the way, combine Southern Comfort and gin in a cocktail glass. Fill remainder with tonic and add a dash of Angostura bitters. Serve with a nut brownie.

Before drinking, raise the glass and say the toast, "Doing a helluva job Brownie"